Joyce is up for a promotion. She prides herself in setting clear boundaries at work. However, her manager warned her that he has received some feedback that she comes across as too aggressive and bossy.
Joyce shared with me, “He has assured me he does not have that perception, but that’s the ‘feedback’ he has heard. It’s funny, as one of my highest values is extending empathy, but I also am not a pushover. I’ve been there and done that, but I was burned out before. I think it’s a trap other professional women fall into; when they sound more assertive, they get that “bossy” or ‘big B” label.
Yes, Joyce it is a trap, and it’s often referred to as the ‘double bind’ where women are forced to choose between being perceived as competent (often associated with masculine traits) or likable (often associated with feminine traits).
We think of a great leader as someone who is decisive, assertive, and independent. In our society, these qualities are most often associated with men. Women, on the other hand, are expected to be nice, nurturing and unselfish.
So, what happens when you want to be considered for a leadership position?
If you exhibit the assertive qualities associated with the ideal leader, you may be considered competent and qualified for the position, but you are also viewed as less likeable. You’re perceived as being a ‘bossy bitch’ and no one wants to work with you. Why? Because being assertive for a woman defies the social norms that dictate we should demonstrate more feminine qualities.
Read the full article on Substack.com.
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