My new boss was a prominent member of the boy’s club. A buddy of the CEO at my company, he was brought in by him to assume the role of SVP in the northeast.
My first impression was hardly positive. We met in a noisy hotel bar at our first national conference together surrounded by colleagues eager to meet him and enjoy the free drinks. Preoccupied with establishing his good ol’ boy image by buying everyone drinks (of course the company was paying), he gave me a quick once over. I took the opportunity to jump in and introduce myself.
It was pretty obvious that he had little interest in meeting me, his AVP direct report. It was a jolly night for all with a bar bill I’m told that exceeded $5K, but I left with a pit in my stomach. Trading sexist comments and lewd jokes in a pre-dated MeToo environment, this guy was an asshole. But in this first encounter with me, he established himself as a member of the tribe, the patriarchy. He didn’t need to be competent. H didn’t need to be politically correct. He was a man in a man’s world.
He paid little attention to me over the next few months despite my significant contributions. The scheduled one on one meetings I had become accustomed to with my previous manager were history. He had no interest in my work, unless he had something to criticize.
To be honest, I didn’t have the savvy back then to figure out how to get on his radar. I was uncomfortable being around him. I naively tried my best to avoid him and focus on the work. BIG MISTAKE, and hardly a good strategy when you are committed to moving your career forward. Despite the lack of contact with him and the absence of pertinent information, I threw my hat in the ring for the newly created VP slot, quite honestly, assuming it would be mine as there was no one more qualified for the position at the time.
Yes, on paper I was the most qualified, but I wasn’t a man. He passed me over for a bro from outside the region with not an ounce of credibility.
I was shattered. Devastated. Clearly, I was at a loss on how to navigate the patriarchy that ruled the workplace.
It can be frustrating. You’re smart, ambitious, capable and still, it feels like you’re playing a game where the rules were written by someone else. Because you are!
But I’ve learned many lessons since then. You too can learn to outsmart and win despite the powerful combination of similarity and gender bias that pervades many work environments today.
Welcome to the workplace patriarchy.
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