My former client, Lisa, tells the story of how her manager with whom she had a great relationship did not invite her on an all day golf outing yet invited all her male counterparts. Lisa, not one to stay silent, had lunch with him a couple of weeks later and asked him, “If you knew I played golf, would you have invited me?” And he said, “Probably not.”
“It was a man who I respected, who I knew liked me very much — and, who was very much a straight-laced guy, and there was never any question that he treated men and women equally. But then, there’s the off-campus event, and he didn’t invite me.”
Lisa was right when she commented further. “It’s these types of events where people let their guard down. That’s where people talk about things that you may not talk about in a formal meeting. And that’s where you build relationships. To be excluded from that because you’re a woman excludes you from those important conversations.”
This is a great example of the way misogyny shows up in the workplace. It can be overt but also subtle and it’s exhausting, and it remains ingrained in the cultural landscape.
It hides behind “jokes,” in performance reviews, in who gets invited to the after-hours dinner and golf outings, and who gets interrupted in meetings. It lurks in decision-making rooms where women’s ideas are credited to male colleagues or dismissed as “too emotional,” “too aggressive,” or “not a team player.”
For women in leadership, and those aspiring to it, this reality isn’t just frustrating. It’s dangerous. It actively undermines authority, limits advancement, and creates environments where women are forced to navigate power dynamics that men never have to consider.
In reality, it’s a systemic power grab. Now is the time to address how you can protect your credibility and position yourself strategically within it.
How does misogyny show up?
Misogyny rarely looks like overt hostility. Instead, it’s masked in “helpful” feedback, mansplaining, cultural norms, or gendered expectations of behavior.
I know you’ve probably experiences at least one of these!
- You have to prove yourself over and over again, while men are often presumed competent. A single mistake on your part can confirm bias, while your achievements are often minimized or attributed to luck.
- If you’re an assertive woman, you’re labeled “abrasive.” If you’re ambitious, you’re called “selfish.” You’re “intimidating” if you’re direct.
- You spend extra emotional labor managing egos, softening messages, and performing diplomacy to be heard while producing the same or better results as their male counterparts.
- You’re excluded from networks. Key decisions often happen informally — on golf courses, in private chats, or at dinners women aren’t invited to. Being left out of these spaces keeps you off the radar and means being left out of influence.
- You are often seen either as a sexual threat or surrogate mother — rarely simply as peers. Both perceptions undermine authority and devalue professional interactions.
- You’re passed over for promotions you deserve. Often for a less competent man who’s a favored member of the boy’s club. This happened to me and it was devastating.
- You don’t have access to high level sponsors. Sponsorship opens the door for high achieving women to get the visibility and credibility they need to advance. Unfortunately, men are still rewarded sponsorship more than their female counterparts.
- You’re not paid equally.Women are paid 83% of what a man gets paid from the initial starting salary through retirement. At their prime, women face the motherhood penalty which contributes to less overall income and often a loss of leadership status.
And you wonder why you may feel like an outsider?
Read the full article on Substack.com.
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