I got a new coaching client last week. She’s an extremely talented and successful architect in her mid forties. My zoom call with her immediate manager along with the CEO of the company that sponsors her work with me, provided me with their goals for the coaching along with the the background I needed to get started.
What they told me in conversation was that Andrea was a great employee but she was very negative and hyper critical of her colleagues. “She has high expectations for herself and for everyone around her. She is frustrated with herself for not accomplishing enough (not true), and frustrated with her peers.” They went on to say that her negativity and criticism is affecting the overall morale of her department.
Well, I can relate to self-criticism! And I think many ambitious women can relate as well. We never seem to meet (in our minds) the high standards we set for ourselves and that can overshadow any of our successes if we let it. High expectations fuel our ambition and that’s a good thing, but if turned inward they can also sabotage our careers with self-doubt.
I sometimes find myself slipping into this trap. I’ve achieved alot, but can I fall victim to thinking it was not enough. I’m always raising the bar higher and not giving myself enough credit for my accomplishments. In fact, I question whether or not I could have done better or if I was just lucky.
Can you relate?
I frequently need to coach myself out of this mindset and in my newsletter today I’m giving you some advice I use in my own practice.
You did everything right. You worked hard, delivered results, and achieved what you set out to do. And yet, there’s this lingering feeling that it doesn’t quite measure up. Not fully. Not in the way you thought it would. Instead of celebrating, you adjust the target. You tell yourself you should have done it sooner, or done it better, or that it probably isn’t that impressive anyway. And just like that, the bar moves again.
This is the trap no one warns you about. High expectations are supposed to drive success, and for a while, they do. They push you to prepare more, stretch further, and perform at a higher level. But when “enough” is always just out of reach, something shifts. You stop feeling motivated and start feeling inadequate.
Read the full article on Substack.com
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